Life Note

I jumped.

But this isn’t a suicide note, it’s a life note.

I had to jump because of my past.

Not that there’s anything very shocking to tell, but I had to do it anyway.

That’s the rule.

I’ll miss the peace I suppose. 

It was like being inside an affirmation, everything whispered ‘you are perfect, this moment is where you belong’.

Even though I could never quite believe it, I still felt like I loved myself there.

You could watch yourself eating a cheeseburger in the mirror, bits of tomato and lettuce stuck all  over your face, and everything would still feel like it’s exactly where it should be.

Not that I ever tried, but that’s what would happen.

And I loved you too. All of you. Though when you weren’t there, I forgot about you.

But as soon as my past came up I knew I’d have to go.

Come on, said the voice. 

You’ve watched the great teachers on YouTube, you’ve listened to their podcasts. You can’t stay here in the infinite serenity of now if you go back there.

But it’s like looking over a cliff I argued, the past gives me vertigo but I still want to jump.

You can’t keep going back there and stay here, came the reply.

So I jumped.

I went free falling through all the suffering, joy and uncertainty, I felt everything instead of nothing and now I’m everywhere with everything at once.

That’s how these words came to you.

Analogue social post, flyposted on graffiti wall Moore Park